Newsflash! China considers Britain boring

To continue whining about the Chinese curriculum, I would like to address the pressing issue of what the enemy’s schools are teaching this generation of impressionable Chinese youth about my motherland, fair Britain. Marie has just showed me – in the spirit of cross-cultural exchange – Unit 6 Lesson 4 of her Peking University English tingli (listening) textbook, summarised in this helpful chart:


From the opinions of ‘Paul’ and ‘Cindy’, if those really are their names, I can only infer (by extension) that the 1.3+ billion population of China considers Britain really really dull – with the exception of yours truly, who as a member of ‘the young’ is both ‘alive’ and ‘on fire’: a dual state difficult to maintain, some might argue.

President Hu, I formally object to this two-dimensional characterisation of our nation. How would you like it if our educational board ran around releasing school textbooks listing Chinese interests as ‘in the past: opium. now: money; being oppressed’? Recall and pulp those textbooks, Mr Hu! Exhibit A:

Interviewer: And have you had much opportunity to eat English food?

Cindy: Yes, I avoid it, because it’s dull. I think it’s dull. And I think the English eat a lot of sweets and greasy food like chips.

Yes, our food may be dull, Cindy. Nethertheless, I got your point the first time. There’s no need to rub it in. Or just look at this libelous and oddly worded exchange:

Interviewer: Now what do you think about English people and their way of life?

Paul: The older generation of English people are really snobbish – the snob-nosed English. But the youth of England today – they’re really alive, you know, they’re more vibrant, on fire, alive. They are much more free than their parents, crazy!

I say good sir, who you calling snob nosed, man, crazy!


  1. Hahaha! I love this post! But well, I used to complain that textbooks use diplomatic language far too much. I suppose times have changed.

  2. Not to add to the hurt, but the sophomore English majors at my school had to write a paper on one of two topics: “The rise and fall of Britain” or “The Rise of America.” I wish I could tell you what they said in their papers about Britain, but I didn’t read any of them.

  3. This reminds me of a joke:

    “In Heaven, mechanics are German, chefs are French, hookers are Italian, and it’s run by the English.

    In Hell, mechanics are French, chefs are English, hookers are German, and it’s run by the Italian.”

  4. I think Cindy has a point about the food….

Comments are now closed.